What's to Get, Pam?
by PhantomProducer
Summary: Oneshot set during S2 "Booze Cruise". Pam confides that she just doesn't get Roy anymore, and Jim can't take the dance of infatuation any longer. Rated T for swearing and safety.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of The Office (not the characters, locations, etc.). NBC and all its affiliates do. So don't sue me, please.

In this oneshot, Jim experiences a moment of anger and courage during the 27 second scene on the deck in "Booze Cruise", and something I wished would've happened happens here.

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There they were, out in the cold on the deck. Pam had escaped her fiancé's drinking and partying. Jim had joined her, for the camaraderie he was craving from her all night. They were always talking and joking at the office, but rarely were they together outside Dunder Mifflin. Any extra moment, any little sign that she wanted to have him with her was encouragement enough to send him outside after her. He would do anything to be with the green-eyed beauty who always sat behind the reception desk, who always greeted him with that special smile he suspected she saved for him. The intense winter chill engulfed them, but for the time being neither noticed it. At least, not until she said those fateful words, words that cut Jim to the quick.

"Sometimes…I just don't get Roy," Pam said innocently, and Jim, finally tired of the never-ending dance of infatuation, almost glared at her when he responded.

Enough was enough.

"What's to get, Pam? He's Roy. You've been engaged to him for three years; shouldn't you know that by now?" he asked, leaning against the railing of the ship. The water of the lake flowed by, the bitter air cutting through his winter coat. Burrowing deeper into the wool, he scoffed out loud. _'Damn Michael for picking winter to take a booze cruise, damn Roy for being a perfect shitface, and damn me for standing by for so long and keeping my mouth shut.'_

"What do you mean by that?" Pam retorted, flushing a little in anger. "Seriously Jim, this whole cruise you've been completely aloof and grouchy. And I've seen the looks you keep giving Roy. Sure he's not one to always say the right thing, but what is your deal?"

"My deal? My DEAL, Pam, is that…oh God, where do I start?!" he cried, his voice hitching. Jim waved his arms, as if trying to express every frustration and every disappointment from the past three years physically. His hair spiked up in the wind, adding to the insanity of his appearance. "Here's my deal, ok? Roy is an ass, a major ass. He dates you for years, which I don't know why you did because even on the first date it showed how awful a boyfriend he was. Pam, he fucking left you there at that hockey game! And then he ropes you into the never-ending engagement, which I know is killing you as each day passes by. How could you let yourself be pushed around like that?!"

Pam looked away, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears. In a million years, Jim never thought he'd see Pam cry and be the cause of her sadness. He faltered in his tirade for a moment…but only for a moment.

"You deserved much better then Pam…and you deserve better now. For Christ's sake, he was flirting with Katy right in front of you when the four of us were sitting together! They talked for ten minutes about high school, and he made fun of your art. He never supports your talent, even though you're really good at it. He never thinks beyond the night's booze fest, or maybe just a quickie with you before passing out for the night. Gee, what to do tonight, sex or drinking myself into a blackout? Oh, and another thing I remember: every time we'd have lunch, I noticed he'd forget that you two were engaged. Wow, he really seems to care...oh wait! Not really."

"So what? People make verbal slips all the time," Pam murmured, weakly defending her fiancé. She hung her head in shame, the long curls obscuring her face. "Besides, she's your girlfriend. Why didn't you cut in when they were flirting, if it bothered you so much?"

"Because it didn't bother me at all that they were flirting; Katy and I went a couple dates, but she's not my girlfriend. It only bothered me…" he paused, releasing a huff of discontent, "…when I saw the look of abandonment in your eyes. I know that look so well, because it's in your eyes every time he destroys a piece of your heart. I see it, and it kills me, too."

Her eyes flew up, connecting with his. The green became attached to the blue, and his heart nearly stopped in his chest, like it had so many times before. Everything disappeared for the moment; the cameras, the cold, and the boat became insignificant as he poured his anguish out onto her. A look of wonder and confusion clouded her beautiful face, and he prepared himself mentally to tell the whole truth.

Jim cleared his throat, ignoring the water welling up in his own eyes.

"Pam, your pain…it's too much for me to bear. I hate being harsh to you, but I can't stand the way he treats you, and I can't stand how you keep ignoring the signs of his asshole behavior. He takes you for granted, and the worst part is you don't even care, so long as you can be with someone. But…haven't you ever wanted to be with someone who treasured you for who you are? For everything you say, or do, or think? Sure, you've been together for years, but years don't make up for the fact that he doesn't treasure you anymore, if he ever did in the first place."

The tears were flowing freely now on both sides; Pam was shaking with her own conflicting emotions, and Jim was trembling at finally telling her how he really felt about the whole damn debacle she and Roy called an engagement. Jim was always there for her; whether for a laugh, a talk, or a good cry when she needed it. She was his go-to girl for pranks, she was his best friend…the love of his life. And Roy? Well, he was always off at a poker game or out drinking, and hardly ever with his beloved fiancée. The deck tilted as the captain steered back toward the port, and Jim knew his time was running out. He struggled to pull her face into focus, and furiously rubbed his cheeks dry.

He had to tell her…_now_.

"Pam, my deal is…I love you," he whispered, completely free of his secret. A great rush of relief filled his veins, warming him against the damp coldness on his face. "And I want you to know that in me you'll find someone who loves you totally and completely as you are. Who loves that you are willing to do anything to cheer up an upset officemate, and who loves that you laugh at my old high school photo. I've loved you since I first met you. I know everything about you, and there is nothing that I would hold you back from or change about you. I'm in love with you, and I just needed you to know…once."

Agonizing seconds passed with the duo simply staring at one another. Jim glanced at his watch; twenty-seven minutes had gone by before the wind became too strong and the cold too unbearable. What was he thinking, that she would come running into his arms and fireworks going off behind them? Moments like that- _dreams_ like that- almost never came true. At least they didn't in Jim's life. Her silence seemed to speak for her, and he began to give up hope. Turning away and mumbling something about the chill, he felt a gloved hand tug on his sleeve to stop him. Facing Pam once more, he watched her eyes turn dark with more tears, set off by a disturbing smile.

"You're right, Jim," she confided, facing the railing once again. "But understand this. I care about Roy, I've been with him for so long, and yet...I can't help this...burning in my heart. This want that I've had since I met you. My eyes are open, I do see what goes on, you know...it's just never mattered. At least it never mattered until you showed me....until you...Jim...I need…I need…"

Plucking her glove off her left hand, she turned her engagement ring over three times before ripping it off her finger and throwing it into the lake.

"I need you, Jim. I think I love you, too."

The boat had arrived back at the pier, but neither of the two lone people on the outer deck noticed, as they were completely wrapped up in a kiss that was too long denied for both of them. They clutched each other, refusing to step away and break the beauty of the moment.

'_Now I feel like the king of the world,'_ Jim thought, basking in the glow of the wish come true.

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